i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
