Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
