So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
