we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
