Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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