After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
