So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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