Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
