Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
