She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
