I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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