I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
