Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
