There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
