Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
