WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
