so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
