so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize