South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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