I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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