How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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