Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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