new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
