At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
