so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
