We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
