DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
