she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
