So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize