sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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