you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
