he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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