I think I am morally bankrupt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize