shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
