Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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