The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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