She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's get the cat blown out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
