she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
