Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got inside last night via doggy door
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
