is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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