apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
my liver is dry heaving
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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