Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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