He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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