Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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