Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
