Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
