and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize