ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
