I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
