Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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