All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
