Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
