Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
