just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
