I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize