The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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