it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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