I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
