After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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