Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its not stalking. its research.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize