I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
