did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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