Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
