i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
