Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
