Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
