took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
