So drunk its hurt
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize