Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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