Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
