well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
