I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
