I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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