Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
