today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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