Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
