My balls are so social today.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize