So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
