I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
