worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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